FINDING THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE
Outline of the book by Neil Clark Warren, Ph.D.
The sub-title to Warren's book is: TEN PRINCIPLES for Choosing
the Right marriage partner.
From the "Introduction"
For more than 25 years I have worked with people ... people
struggling to make their marriages successful. I have encountered
couples with nearly every kind of relationship, and over time I
have developed a whole set of conclusions about what determines
the degree of happiness in a marriage. At the TOP of the list is
this one: Your choice of whom to marry is more crucial than
everything else combines that you will ever do to make your
marriage succeed ... Most of the failed marriages I have
encountered were in trouble the day they began. The two people
involved simply chose the wrong person to marry ... Why do some
individuals choose their "life-long" partner so poorly? Because
they have received almost NO instruction about HOW to do it well.
CHAPTER ONE - Eliminate the Seven Most Prevalent Causes of Faulty
1. The Decision to Get Married is Made Too Quickly.
2. The Decision is Made at Too Young an Age.
3. One or Both Persons are Too Eager to be Married.
4. One of Both may be Choosing a Mate to Please Someone Else.
5. The Experience Base is Too Narrow.
6. The Couple has Unrealistic expectations.
7. One or Both may have Unaddressed significant Personal or
CHAPTER TWO - Develop a Clear Mental Image of Your Ideal Spouse
"The Person of my Dreams" verses "The Person I can Attract"
What Specifically do you Want in a Mate?
Personality - Intelligence - Appearance - Ambition - Chemistry -
Spirituality - Character - Creativity - Parenting - Authenticity
CHAPTER THREE - Find a Person to Love who is a Lot Like You
Similarity Is Critical - Every Similarity is an Asset -
Similarities are Harder to come by these Days - What Similarities
are Absolutely essential? - Differences that Spell Trouble -
Qualities of Your Partner You can't Assess - The Personality
Trait that Covers a Multitude of Differences - Do Opposites
attract? - 50 Item list of Helpful marriage Similarities
CHAPTER FOUR - Get Yourself Healthy before You get Yourself
A Biblical Case in Point - The Foundation of Mental Health -
Neurotics and Sociopaths - Five Other Key Problems - So what does
it mean to be Emotionally Healthy - How Can You become Healthy if
You're Not healthy Now
CHAPTER FIVE - Find a Love You can Feel deep in Your heart - and
Express it Carefully
The Purpose Behind the Passion - Evaluating "Like" verses "Love"
- Passionate Love can Make or Break a Relationship - Principles
for Expressing Passionate Love
CHAPTER SIX - Let Passionate Love Mature before You Decide to
Why Most relationships don't Survive when Passion Fades - Some
Couples stay together but go Nowhere - What does Compassionate
Love Look Like? - How can a Couple Develop Companionate Love?
CHAPTER SEVEN - Master the Art of Intimacy
Why doesn't Intimacy happen very Often? - Self-Discovery: The
First step towards Intimacy - Intimacy requires a Desire to Know
Others - Intimacy involves shared Emotions and experiences - When
is Intimacy likely to Happen? - Intimacy helps you assess Your
CHAPTER EIGHT - Learn how to clear conflict from the Road of Love
Can Conflict actually contribute to a Marriage? - The
Foundational Secret of Successful Conflict Resolution - Five
simple techniques for the Mastery of Conflict - The most Common
ways to Mismanage conflict - Why do Some couples benefit from
Conflict, while Others are Destroyed by it?
CHAPTER NINE - Refuse to proceed Until You can genuinely Pledge
your Lifelong Commitment
What does Commitment Really Mean? - Has Marriage Commitment been
taken seriously in our culture? - Has the Meaning of Commitment
been Misunderstood? The Role of Willpower - It is Often Hard to
Keep your Commitment? - The Time to Think about Commitment - Can
you ever know enough to Commit yourself for a Lifetime? - Some
awful Questions about Commitment - What are the Benefits of
CHAPTER TEN - Celebrate your Marriage with the Full support of
family and Friends
The Role of Parents and friends in Selecting a Mate - Why is it
so Important to have the Strong support of your family and
Friends? - Winning the Approval of Potential stepchildren - What
do You do if the Opinion of your Parents or friends differs from
Your Own? - Parents and Friends Can be Very Wrong - Sometimes
Parents are Right: Sometimes they're Not - What if Parents and
Friends are Certain about your Choice but You are Not? - "We
think You and Jon are Wonderful for each Other!"
Is there Hope? - The Principles are Crystal Clear - These
Principles are Demanding - Love in an Enduring Relationship is
the Finest Prize
I would say the book "Finding the LOVE of your LIFE" by Neil
Warren, Ph.D. is one of the finest books, if not THE finest book,
on the subject of how to find the right mate. First published by
"Focus on the Family" Colorado Springs, CO. USA. Distributed in
the USA and Canada by "Word Books," Dallas, Texas. Written in
Maybe it is still in print. If not, hopefully your Public Library
will have it or can obtain it for you through their Inter-Library
It is a MUST read for singles, and should if possible be in every
church library - Keith Hunt
Entered on this Website September 2007